We learn how to deal with conflict and negative emotions through our families, Mintle said. Some see each other weekly; others live in different states or countries. Then, she realized that she had to talk to her mom in a different way. Retrieved on September 11, , from https: When Mintle was a well-established professional in her 30s, her mom would still tell her what to do.
Many think that the only way to improve a relationship is for the other person to change their ways. When her kids were young, Mintle found herself setting up this unrealistic belief during their nightly reading time. But if you want to reach me during the day [with something] more urgent, just text me. Interestingly, this can still alter your relationship. Some see each other weekly; others live in different states or countries. If you can create and maintain boundaries with her, then you can do this with anyone else, such as your boss or partner, Mintle said. Not resolving conflict can have surprising consequences. Be an active listener. Mintle and her mom had a positive relationship but sometimes struggled with this balance. Retrieved on September 11, , from https: Make the first move. Think of it as a dance, she said. Instead of arguing about something so small, Mintle put the hat on and moved on. Moms and daughters disagree on many topics, such as marriage, parenting and career, and they usually try to convince the other to change those opinions, Cohen-Sandler said. Moms feel threatened and rejected that their daughters are making different decisions. She blogs regularly about body and self-image issues on her own blog, Weightless , and about creativity on her second blog Make a Mess. The next night her mom said the same thing, Mintle used humor: Stick to the present. Others talk through everything. Both moms and daughters often have idealistic expectations about their relationship. They realize conflict is inevitable and they deal with it head on. For instance, when visiting your mom or daughter for the holidays, stay at a hotel. When one person changes their steps, the dance inevitably changes. Balance individuality and closeness. But daughters can find their voices and identities within the relationship. Doing so inevitably leaves relationships stuck.
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