Printed by permission of HomeWord. Share on Facebook First, the commands are directed to our respective and relative weaknesses. We are called to do things that might not occur to us. They are plagued by internal hesitations, perceiving the risk of humiliation and failure as too high. Even if it is just a glance, these visual images are stored away in the male brain as a sort of "visual rolodex"; that will reappear without any warning.
Shaunti Feldhahn, a nationally syndicated newspaper columnist, author and speaker wrote a fantastic book, For Women Only: As such, it is never far from their minds and can result in the feeling of being trapped. Even more, I believe that in understanding these issues, you'll be equipped to lead your marriage to a better place! When wives are told to respect their husbands, we can infer from this that husbands need to be respected. When husbands are told to love their wives, we can infer from this that wives need to be loved. If they don't receive this affirmation from their wives, they'll seek it elsewhere. Men do well at respecting. Men run on respect, and wives run on love. It gives them an increasing sense of confidence and well-being that carries over into every other area of his life. Men run on respect, women on love. Regular, fulfilling sex is critical to a man's sense of feeling loved and desired. Men enjoy romance, but doubt their skills to be romantic. This is what a wedding means. True, many men appear to be unromantic clods, but it doesn't mean that they want to be that way! Men would rather feel unloved than inadequate and disrespected. Men can choose whether to dwell on these images and memories or dismiss them, but they can't control when these images appear. When a husband feels rejected sexually, he not only feels his wife is rejecting him physically, but that she is somehow rejecting his life as a husband, provider and man. Share on Facebook First, the commands are directed to our respective and relative weaknesses. Men thrive when they know that their wives trust them, admire them and believe in them. Men are simply wired with this burden. Men want to be romantic, but they just doubt their ability to pull it off. In other words, if the Bible said that shepherds should feed the sheep, a reasonable inference would be that sheep need food. But, surprisingly, Shaunti Feldhahn's research showed that the reason men want more sex is because of their strong need to be desired by their wives. Wives can do a great deal to increase their husbands' confidence in their romantic skills through encouragement and redefining what romance looks like. We all recognize some of these differences, but others often hide in plain sight. Men want to show how much they love their wives and long for them to understand this fact. What men really want is to know that their wives are making an effort to take care of themselves and not letting themselves go because it matters to them the husbands!
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